I love to post pictures of my clothes, home, holidays, events and my kids but it doesn't always look so great around here. I mean just look at the picture of me above. Lately I'm just trying to keep up with a never ending to do list while feeling and looking like a zombie from the Walking Dead. Just in time for Halloween... Bad joke, I know. But what I'm saying is my hair looks like I stuck my finger in a light socket, my clothes are from the day before, unshaved legs, catching sleep sitting up in the corner of the couch with my ladies out, while a tiny human is attached to me and my mouth hanging wide open. That's this picture...me in the throws of real motherhood. The other picture is what I get from all this work, a laughing, happy baby, for a few wonderful moments each day. My husband took this picture of me and when I saw it I almost deleted it. I mean who wants a picture of themselves hangin around like this for just anyone to see but I thought if I am being honest with myself (and anyone who reads this blog) I should show how I'm not always on top of things and I get stressed and exhausted and behind and overwhelmed. Just like everyone! Because I know there are so many of you who can relate. I am not going to lie. I was a little nervous to post this picture because it is so unflattering. BUT ITS REAL!
This is the real deal... Real Motherhood is really hard and really tiring work. Its so worth it but remembering that in the moment is also hard. When a newborn is screaming in your ear for what seems like hours while trying to get used to being out of the womb...there isn't anything specifically wrong with her... she just wants to be held and loved because she is scared...Everything in her world is so new to her and all she can do is cry to tell you about it. You are trying to sooth her but nothing you do is good enough. You miss spending so much time with your other children and feel like you are missing out on their activities because you are nursing and still in the early stages of infancy and you can't get away from your baby long enough to read a book and tuck your kids into bed like you used to before she is crying for you again. This is a stage and stages don't last forever but kid's don't keep either and you just don't want to miss anything with any of them. Your mind is struggling to wrap itself around making time for each child and their needs and not feeling guilty for missing time with them. Prayer becomes your only conversation over 5 minutes in a day and you are thankful for the Lord but also still lonely. This is all common and natural and you aren't alone because it happens to us all. You will look back and realize you're stronger than you thought and more patient than you ever knew you could be. You are doing it all as well as you can and it's all going to be ok. Just hold on and don't forget you are a wonderful mother and your kids are better people for having you to care for them. No one tells you of the internal struggles that come along with this job. Its grueling at times but your work is so, so important! Motherhood is not a cakewalk and things go wrong by the hour and that goes for us all.
I love to dress up and feel pretty and show myself in the best light but this picture is somehow beautiful in its own way. Posting about fun, pretty topics makes for good reading and Pinterest worthy eye candy but it's not gonna stick with you. Life isn't always fun or beautiful or perfect. And I thought I'd show my unsavory moments as an example that we all go through the same things. This isn't a pretty picture of me but to my baby, sweet Caroline, it is. She feels love and warmth and care and that's not always pleasing to the eye and can come at a cost to my individual self esteem but what I lose in vanity I gain in the joy of a healthy, content, well cared for baby and pride in how hard I work for my children and my family.
The pretty stuff is nice but it's not ultimately what matters and if we remembered that more often we would all be better off... or at least I would be.
I know it was long but thanks for reading.
Talk to y'all soon.
Love Heather
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